I hope this is not my legacy

Yesterday I visited an apartment belonging to a friend of a friend for drinks with three guys I know well, and two I had never met before. After a couple of hours we decided to make a move to a bar and so we walked out of the kitchen into the hall, and as I waited for everyone to get their coats, a drunken wrestling match broke out in a bedroom leaving myself and one of my new acquaintances (Jack) in the entrance to the apartment. Seeing legs flying and the creaking of the bed, I couldn’t help but glance into the bedroom to see what exactly was going on. I was suprised to hear the following from Jack-

“I can see you’re not interested in talking to me, you’re thinking ‘I’d much rather be in that bedroom with everyone else’”

I found this very interesting. Firstly, when reading a statement such as that, it is easy to assume that the person saying this has low self-esteem or confidence, taking my lack of interest in conversation as something of an insult. In fact it was delivered in a really flat way as if [i]I[/i] was the one who should be insulted because of my lack of conversation and/or social skills. I say insulted, but of course the comment was light hearted.

Secondly, my reaction was totally defensive, almost as if I was embarrassed to be “found out” of not wanting a conversation. In fact I hadn’t even noticed that we [i]should[/i] have been having a conversation which is why it caught me so off-guard.

Thirdly, once I started thinking that I should be conversing, I could not think of a single thing to say. This isn’t exactly uncommon: at the point of a silence becoming akward (all in the mind of the participant of course) minds go blank, thus creating a self reinforcing cycle.

In conclusion, it’s not what you say, its how you say it.